Faces of Long Island celebrates the uniqueness of everyday Long Islanders. In their own words, they tell us about their life experiences, challenges and triumphs. Newsday launched this social media journey into the human experience to shine a light on the diverse people of this wonderful place we call home.

‘It was like you had something taken away from you. You’re losing something you had been so used to, and was yours, and it was taken away.’

North Babylon

“I was home when I got the phone call. My doctor said it was good news and bad news. I knew the bad news, but the doctor said the good news is we got it at an early stage, so you have multiple options on what kind of surgery you want and if I needed chemo or radiation. I always felt like something would come up. I always discussed with my husband if something came up, I would remove my breasts. They’ve done their job.

“When the decision came to be made, it wasn’t that hard for me. I opted for a double mastectomy and reconstructed with my own body fat. In the beginning when I was diagnosed, it was like what are my options, what are the next steps? I didn’t process it, I was going through the motions. I never asked, ‘Why me?’ It’s like you don’t have time to. You go through a grieving process.

I would do walks and hear of people who had metastatic breast cancer and won’t be cured, and you look at yourself and say, ‘I went through nothing compared to what the next person’s going through.’

“As much as us women are hard on ourselves on how we look, it was like you had something taken away from you. You’re losing something you had been so used to, and was yours, and it was taken away. Months later, it did hit. But I look back and see I was so fortunate to have the support of my community and family. I would do walks and hear of people who had metastatic breast cancer and won’t be cured, and you look at yourself and say, ‘I went through nothing compared to what the next person’s going through.’ You meet people one year at a function and go the next year and they’re not there because something happened. I feel God gives us trials and we have to move forward and have faith everything will work out at some point.

“Even with the diagnosis, I volunteered in the neighborhood and schools, even helping others with other kinds of cancers. The way I got through it, every day I would wake up and be grateful I had the chance to do something different. I wasn’t just concentrated on myself, but on others and that helped me get through the most trying times. You have to look for the good even in the worst times. There’s always something to be grateful for.”

‘My great grandparents had a bakery in Costa Rica and I grew up with my mother baking cakes as a little girl.’

Freeport

“My great grandparents had a bakery in Costa Rica and I grew up with my mother baking cakes as a little girl. I started my baking business at 30 when I was living in Tennessee with my first husband. I wasn’t as good as I thought I was and had to refund money and there were a lot of tears. I talked to my mother and she inspired me, she sent me whatever she had left of her baking tools. To this day, I have four of the spatulas she gave me. After my divorce, I moved back to New York and I was working odd jobs and I ran into my current husband, my brother’s childhood best friend. We met up, it was supposed to be a causal dinner among friends on a Tuesday but it lasted 6 hours and ended at my dining room table over a bottle of wine looking at my old pictures of cakes and he was like, ‘Why aren’t you doing this?’

I always wanted to stay at home with my kids and work from home. I wanted to raise my kids myself and this allows for that.

“From that night, we were inseparable, and we were married four months later. We had a baby right away, I quit my job at Bloomingdale’s when I was pregnant because I was having trouble with the pregnancy. I had five miscarriages until I had my first child. I’m OK with it; God doesn’t make mistakes. Now I have two natural sons and one bonus son I had the privilege to help raise. I wanted to go back to work and my husband was very adamant baking was my gift. It became hectic with small children and my Mom was living with us. Hurricane Irene came and wiped our house out, we rebuilt and then Hurricane Sandy came and wiped our house out even worse. We had to gut and redo the house again. He went to his parents a block away, they had a split house and two kitchens and said, ‘Do you mind if she works out of here?’ I have been working out of there since 2013.

“I always wanted to stay at home with my kids and work from home. I wanted to raise my kids myself and this allows for that. I can always reach out to my mother and my sister for advice, like how did you make this icing, I remember the flavor being like this. And the business, Bella Latina Cakes, is still growing. It’s really hard if you don’t have family support, it’s not impossible but boy it makes a huge difference.”

‘A loss is always going to be there but at the same time you still have to live life, there’s so much more to do.’

Bay Shore

“My significant other passed away unexpectedly in October 2019, and my goal was to find a stable home for my 16-year-old son and my 5-year-old daughter. We stayed with my sister and her husband and I was able to save more money and get more support spiritually and mentally. It was a great blessing to move back home.

“In 2018, Kenny and I had applied together for a housing lottery through the Town of Islip. We got approved, we were mortgage ready and we just had to wait because the land was donated but there was nothing built there yet. When he passed away, they told me I would have to resubmit all my paperwork, to make sure I was still eligible. So I did on March 12, then on March 16, COVID happened. They were on standstill and in July, they told me I had to resubmit all my paperwork again, which I did. That whole time I didn’t spend a thing, I saved my money. I was praying that I’d make it through COVID and my family and friends. Then I’m praying that I move into this house and I can raise my family. I’m praying, praying, praying. I followed up with the lottery and they said, ‘We’re up to your number. If you haven’t bought a house yet, just wait, the house is almost done.’ We just moved in and I’m still pinching myself because I waited and I saved my money. It’s amazing just to have my nieces come in here and say, ‘Auntie, this is so nice, I can’t believe it, I feel like you hit the lottery.’ I’m like, ‘I did!’ God doesn’t make mistakes and you can’t sit around and think about why and what if? A loss is always going to be there but at the same time you still have to live life, there’s so much more to do.

That was such a good feeling to give your family a sense of security. I just want someone to look at my life and say, ‘I can do it too.’

“I still have to provide Christmases that my daughter can talk about for years to come. I put my tree up because I like the lights and I decorated the outside of the house. Bay Shore is the place I wanted to be and I got it. I was number 18 in the lottery and I was like, ‘I’m never going to get a house.’ Now I’m in a brand-new house. My daughter says, ‘Mommy, are we going home?’ And I’m like, ‘Yes baby, this is our home.’ That was such a good feeling to give your family a sense of security. I just want someone to look at my life and say, ‘I can do it too.’”

‘That first sickness was the closest it came to Bear not being around; it was one of the scariest, worst times.’

Bay Shore

“Bear is turning 6 and he was born with spinal muscular atrophy. When we found out Erin was pregnant, we were having twin boys, but one of the pregnancies didn’t continue and we found out a few weeks later, Bear has SMA. We were told he wouldn’t be able to move when he was born, so we expected the worst. He started to show symptoms around six months, and we ended up in a clinical trial for a medication called Spinraza.

“When he was one-and-a-half, Bear was in the hospital for two or three months with rhinovirus and he had trouble swallowing. That first sickness was the closest it came to Bear not being around; it was one of the scariest, worst times. Your lungs are the deadly part of SMA; if you can’t cough, you’re in trouble. Then he started hitting milestones, like being able to hold his head up. He’s still very vulnerable but hasn’t been hospitalized for sickness in two-and-a-half years. He’s had tonsil surgery because his tonsils were so inflamed, and he had hip surgery to stabilize him for down the road if and when he’s walking. And I explain this to him, he knows all of it, he’s like a little doctor. He knows that neurons die, and his brain can’t speak to his muscles as loudly as it should.

As for Bear, he says to other kids: ‘They should be brave, like me, because I did a lot of hard stuff. You should be brave too because then you’ll have a really good life.’

“Last year, Bear switched from Spinraza, which cost $125,000 per dose, so around $650,000 a year, to Evrysdi, because it’s oral medication, no more lumbar punctures. The pharmaceutical companies pay for the clinical trials, so we haven’t had to go through insurance. But there’s a lot of out-of-pocket costs, like staying in the city when he’s in the hospital, his equipment. We were very lost when he was first diagnosed — for the first year-and-a-half we were convinced it was a death sentence. And now we’re intent on helping people not make that same mistake.

“Erin and I are the chapter presidents of the Greater New York Chapter of Cure SMA, so families who just learned the diagnosis contact us. It’s hard as a parent when you first get that diagnosis to figure it all out and find your next resource. As for Bear, he says to other kids: ‘They should be brave, like me, because I did a lot of hard stuff. You should be brave too because then you’ll have a really good life.’”

‘There were numerous times I called the cops because I was so fearful he was going to hurt me…’

Seaford

“We met through mutual friends from AA. At that point, I was a little shy of 8 years sober. We wound up getting our own place together and I was in heaven. When I had originally gotten sober, I was 21 years old. I was just a kid. But now, I felt like I was an adult, like I had found my guy and was living life.

“It was the night before my birthday that he first put his hands on me. We were both drinking at that point, drugs were also part of it. He shoved me hard, onto the bed. Then the next day he was remorseful, apologizing up and down. Ever since that night, it just got worse. I didn’t know what to do. I honestly thought the love we had for each other was so strong that we were going to be able to get through this. That I was going to be able to save him.

“There were numerous times I called the cops because I was so fearful he was going to hurt me so bad because of the state of mind he was in. There were numerous times he got arrested. But then I felt guilty so I would try to recant everything I said and that I didn’t want to press charges.

“We would always have conversations about how we wanted to start a family, get married. We wanted to stop screwing up and wasting time. I wound up getting pregnant. That was probably my biggest wake up call.

I was holding on so tightly to the hope he’s going to do the same.

“He wound up going back to rehab. I was already on track getting sober. I was holding on so tightly to the hope he’s going to do the same. I knew as soon as he got back, there was something not right. He was distant. He basically told me he couldn’t be with me anymore, it was too hard for him. And on top of that, he said I had to leave the apartment.

“I gave birth in April. He was not there at all when I was in the hospital. The night he was supposed to come, he was in a bar getting drunk. He has only seen Maddie three times. The last time I saw him was the end of April.

“Things are very different today. It’s about Maddie and I. It’s about trying to do things that are empowering and support us. It’s not easy. But I’m doing it. I will forever be grateful to him because if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have her. She doesn’t need a father. Not when she’s got me.”

‘Every woman has a little black dress; so does every drag queen. The difference is, we cover it in stones and sequins.’

Amityville

“For 30 years, it seems that any time I have ever done anything within the theater I have been the one to be asked to dress in drag. Seven years ago, I won an award at the Fresh Fruit Festival for the best featured drag performance, and that was the catalyst for what was to come. Honestly, there is no difference between my drag persona and myself. I just think she happens to be a manifestation of all the things that I normally do: I work for a theater company, I do costumes and make-up, I teach dance, and I am a performer. I do all that encompasses what most drag entertainers do, which is be their own producer, director, choreographer, etc. She is just an amalgam of me. When I sit in front of a mirror and put on all of my make-up, I just see me in a different way with a little extra. My look is inspired by the classic movie-musical and that vintage 40s, 50s feel. I’m also a 70s baby so I grew up around the disco and the 80s. She is a modern twist on all of that. Make-up seems complicated, but it is not. If you had a coloring book as a kid, it’s essentially the same.

We wouldn’t have theater without drag. It’s an historical thing as opposed to it just being a gay thing.

“With me doing this art, it’s about me taking my male look and making it feminine to present it on the stage. I’m still buying $8 tubes of lipstick, mascara and blush, the things most women buy at the drugstore while hemming and hawing over the best products. I’m a costumer so I can also sew, but I prefer to shop. With drag, you don’t have to break the bank to look nice, you just have to know about basic fashion. Every woman has a little black dress; so does every drag queen. The difference is, we cover it in stones and sequins. No one is surprised when people hear that I do drag. Nowadays it’s the norm; it’s not like it was 10 years ago, before Drag Race and RuPaul, with all of the stigma that came along with it because no one understood what it was.

“We wouldn’t have theater without drag. It’s an historical thing as opposed to it just being a gay thing. My go-to song is “Buttons” by The Pussycat Dolls. It’s a song that’s exciting for people to hear, it’s recognizable, and they enjoy it. Now that I’m on the other side of 40, I decided I’m just going to do things that I really enjoy.”

‘So that’s why we share our story. Because we were blessed to survive—but she wasn’t.’

Babylon

“We were coming home from a rock concert and were about a mile from our house when we got hit head on by a young woman. She was doing about 60. We were doing about 40. What they tell us is it’s like hitting a brick wall at a hundred miles an hour when it’s head on like that. It’s been nine years now and I think the biggest reason that I try to get the story out and try to educate people not to text and drive is because that young lady driving the car that hit us, who was texting, lost her life.

When I went to the junkyard after I got out of the hospital, the gentlemen there drove me to our vehicle and he said, ‘I didn’t think anybody survived this.’

“There was a couple that stopped, and I heard one of them say to the other, ‘Oh my God, I think she’s dead.’ And that’s when I knew there was another car involved. Up until that point I didn’t know what happened because it was just all chaos. It was a freezing November night and the gentleman that was part of the couple gave me his coat. And I don’t know who they are, but I still have his coat. When I went to the junkyard after I got out of the hospital, the gentlemen there drove me to our vehicle and he said, ‘I didn’t think anybody survived this.’

“Having a daughter ourselves who was coming up on that age of being able to go out and drive, the dread of getting that phone call is what really impacted me the most. So even though there were injuries between my husband and myself, and we still deal with a lot of the trauma, the most traumatic part is that she died and that was somebody’s daughter, and it was preventable. So that’s why we share our story. Because we were blessed to survive—but she wasn’t. This 22-year-old girl died because she was reading a text from her best friend. It was a Saturday night, she was just out for the night and then her girlfriend said, ‘Come pick me up,” and she was reading the directions and it happened that fast. It was an instant.

When I’m on the road, I see all ages on their phone. I see businessmen and women and they’re checking their emails and whatever it is they’re doing. A lot of emphasis is put on high school students and college kids, but this isn’t isolated to young kids. The woman driving that car could have been 55-years old and an executive…it could have been anybody. I think it’s broad. From young to old, everybody’s doing it.”

‘Even as a teenage mom, they always made me feel that no matter what I wanted to do, I could accomplish it.’

Wyandanch

“My dad got sick out of nowhere. He started losing a ton of weight. He started to get weak. I found out he had stage 4 lung cancer. Three weeks later, he passed away. It was one month from when I graduated with my master’s in mental health counseling. I was there, I was holding his hand. I was completely distraught. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to become a counselor. I didn’t want to hear anyone’s stories. I was going through it. I didn’t have the strength to help anyone.

“But I knew I had to do something. I knew I was called to do something. I was already working in the spirits industry, so I stuck with that and moved up in the field to management. During that time, I sent some pictures to an agent. She called me into her office a week later and we talked for an hour.

I knew was creative and my dad was creative. It kept me close. It was a way I could keep that connection of creativity.

“That time of hopelessness with my dad’s death forced me to be creative and think outside the box. I was in the theater program in high school and church. Acting and modeling was a hobby of mine and my dad was the guitar player in a lot of the plays I was in at church. It was the one thing I knew was creative and my dad was creative. It kept me close. It was a way I could keep that connection of creativity. I’ve been featured on some Buzzfeed stations and Doctor Oz as a guest. It’s opened up a different world. I gave a Tedx Talk on generational hostility. My faith says he sees it. I think about that smile he had when he saw me off to the prom. That’s what I imagined him doing if he was in the audience. I always think of him. I just hope that whatever I’ve done so far has made him proud.

“I couldn’t have done it without the strong community support and strong allies and the spirit of my father and my family. I’m a single mom. I had a child when I was 15. But my parents rallied behind me and made sure I had everything I needed to accomplish my goals. I finished high school on time with honors and went to college that fall. Even as a teenage mom, they always made me feel that no matter what I wanted to do, I could accomplish it. And I want to carry that messaging on to my children. You may not be able to pass on money or a house, but if you can pass on hope, people can get all of that.”

Interviewed by Betsy Abraham

‘Not only did we form a very unexpected relationship with our donor, but we’ve also formed relationships with many of the other moms who have used him.’

Patchogue

“Our experience using a known donor has been very positive because he’s an amazing person and he’s made the whole process very stressless. There did come a lot of unexpected things with having a known donor, and using the donor that we used specifically, because after us he started helping start families for a lot of other women, which ended up giving our son almost a hundred siblings all over the world — a large, extended family of brothers and sisters, some of which he has relationships with now, and some he’ll hopefully meet and have relationships with, if he chooses, as he gets older.

“At first, we didn’t know if we were going to use a known donor. We didn’t know that was an option. And through researching it, we found a known donor is a possible option when trying to conceive a child the way that we were doing it. And we still weren’t sure, even knowing that, that we wanted to have a person involved in the life of our child. We didn’t know legally how it would work. But once we found our donor, that’s what really changed our mind.

…using a known donor, especially the one we chose who doesn’t charge money and does it out of the goodness of their heart, ends up being extremely less stressful and you can just focus on starting a family.

“Starting a family as a same-sex couple, or a couple who is straight and faces fertility problems, is a very costly expense, especially in the United States, where it’s often not covered by many insurances and you have to pay out of pocket for most of the expenses needed to attempt to conceive a child. So, we found for us, and for a lot of people we know, using a known donor, especially the one we chose who doesn’t charge money and does it out of the goodness of their heart, ends up being extremely less stressful and you can just focus on starting a family.

“I think one of the most interesting parts of this whole thing is that not only did we form a very unexpected relationship with our donor, but we’ve also formed relationships with many of the other moms who have used him, moms from all walks of life. There began to become so many, that we all formed a social media group where we’re able to add new moms as we find them. And we don’t know what’s going to come of it…maybe even start expanding to real-life meetings and family events. It’s really endless possibilities, and we’re very excited about the future.”

‘I love to paint, and I find it’s been really de-stressing and she and I do that together.’

Medford

“I started a boutique at the beginning of the pandemic when I had more time. My daughter Zoe is a kindergartner and she’s super creative and artistic. While arts and crafts has never been my thing, I was thinking, ‘What can I do to spend time with her?’ and really grow our relationship. No matter what I wanted to do, she’d say, “Maybe we can do this art project” and I’d say, “I don’t know if I’m good at that.

“But I feel like I was really able to find my niche with shirts and wooden signs. I love to paint, and I find it’s been really de-stressing and she and I do that together. She has a little area in the craft room that I created and while I’m doing crafts, she also does crafts.

“Lucy, who’s three, also wants to do whatever we’re doing, so she squeezes herself into one of her little spots. I named it after them because they’re my motivation. It lets me spend more time with them and show them you can help support your family and you can do something you love.

I never want the business to replace the job I have. I love teaching, that’s my passion.

“Zoe loves doing this stuff and I said to her, ‘Why don’t you think of something and you can sell it for a charity.’ Ten percent of the proceeds right now go to Together We Rise, a non-profit for foster children. I said to Zoe, ‘Think of something that you really love and you can sell something and your money can go to that.’ I never want the business to replace the job I have. I love teaching, that’s my passion. I love it as a side business, as something to bring in a little extra income and to promote creativity with Zoe. I feel like it’s helpful for her.

“The pandemic has been hard for her. Originally, we weren’t seeing our family at all, her grandparents. I really saw an increased anxiety in her, she was really sad about things and it just wasn’t who she is. This was a way for us to make sure that we get time together and give her that outlet and what she needs right now. She sees that maybe she can sell something, and she was really open to helping someone with it, which is what I really want to instill in her and in my students. It’s always how can you make a difference wherever you are, even when you’re a kid, you’re never too young.”