Faces of Long Island celebrates the uniqueness of everyday Long Islanders. In their own words, they tell us about their life experiences, challenges and triumphs. Newsday launched this social media journey into the human experience to shine a light on the diverse people of this wonderful place we call home.

‘I was a shy kid. I didn’t have a stellar self-esteem or body image, but when I was on stage dancing, I felt strong and confident.’

Great River

“I was a shy kid. I didn’t have a stellar self-esteem or body image, but when I was onstage dancing, I felt strong and confident. I was raised in Salt Lake City, where my parents put me in dance school at 6. When my buddy was starting gymnastics, I told my parents I wanted to start gymnastics, too. They couldn’t afford both, so I chose gymnastics. I came back to dance in high school and loved it. My dance teacher taught us many genres and brought in guest artists, exposing us to greatness. She told me I should audition for a University of Utah scholarship, so I chose my own music and choreographed and prepared my own solo. Going through that audition made me realize, ‘This is what I’m going to do.’ I got my BFA in modern dance. When I graduated, I visited my aunt in Alaska. I showed up at the Alaska Dance Theatre one day, and they asked me to audition for the company and teach for a semester. I ended up living there for five years.

My experiences have taught me to be more confident in myself. I’ve grown professionally and developed a skill set I never imagined.

“Being a big fish in a little pond gave me confidence for when I was ready to move to Manhattan. I came to New York with a map and guidebook to go to studios and classes. I eventually got teaching gigs. My goal was to become part of a modern dance company. I had an epiphany: In all of this there is a place where I fit. I met Amanda Selwyn when she was looking for a choreographer’s collective; later, we became a nonprofit company. Now it’s the Amanda Selwyn Dance Theatre! It’s an exciting achievement to be a founding member of a dance company. I was teaching as a visiting artist all over, so I went back to school to get my MA in phys ed and my teacher certification.

“I taught on Coney Island for 10 years before getting a call from Long Island High School for the Arts, where I now teach dance and phys ed classes. Arts education is so important because as artists we train, and we have a vocabulary and history. The arts teach life skills, creativity, collaboration, problem-solving, overcoming failure, strategizing, grit and work ethic. I love the pride and glow you see in students when they are dancing. My experiences have taught me to be more confident in myself. I’ve grown professionally and developed a skill set I never imagined.”

‘Most of the things I find, it’s more significant to me about where they came from and where I found them than what I could get for them on eBay.’

Smithtown

“One of the biggest questions people have about metal detecting is, ‘What is everything worth?’ I tell people, if you do it to make money, you probably couldn’t afford the battery in your metal detector. It’s not why I do it, although I have found things that are valuable. I do it as a hobby, and what draws me into it is the 1700s history on Long Island. Some say I should leave things like these to archeologists, but I’ve reached out to many local officials and other figures about exploring sites, and so far in my experience, unless there’s a structure to preserve, the responses I receive is that there’s no historical value to explore. I wish the towns would be interested, because I do think these sites are significant, but honestly, if I didn’t find what I find, these artifacts would be lost.

“I own a large land-clearing company, and we clear properties from Manhattan to Montauk. We’re clearing for roads, developments and stuff like that, and at some of these sites, I can save something before it’s literally gone. For example, this man had purchased a big farm on the North Fork where I did a job, and he gave me permission to metal-detect there. Once I started bringing up the property’s history, he was interested, so I said, ‘Whatever I find, build a display and I’ll give everything I find back to the farm.’ I found musket balls, buttons from the War of 1812, all kinds of really cool artifacts from the 1700s to the turn of the century. Some things I donate to local historical societies, but I also have a huge collection of things I’ve found that I just don’t have the time to sort through.

“I have never sold anything. Someone once offered me $40,000 for my best find, a George Washington inaugural button, but I told the guy, ‘No.’ I don’t need the money. I have a pretty successful business. Most of the things I find, it’s more significant to me about where they came from and where I found them than what I could get for them on eBay. I’d rather find the right home for these things, especially the early military stuff. These artifacts will probably end up in a local historical society someday.”

When I found the remnants of a house in the woods, within minutes I started finding buttons and artifacts from the 1800s. It made me realize, ‘Wow, this stuff really is out there.’

“One of my best sites was in eastern Suffolk County, because detecting there told a story. The more I dug, the more it told me about what they were doing on that land. Some of the artifacts were clam and oyster shells, and it turns out it was once a trading post where they brought shellfish of the Carmans River. I also found around 50 Colonial coins, plus buttons and British coins. Just by metal-detecting the site, I can tell you how long the site was occupied, and if they were more for or against the British, just by the artifacts.

“I always really cared about history. It was one of my best subjects in school, and I had metal detectors as a kid, but they were always the cheap kind, and I had no idea where to go and detect. A lot of people, they just turn up nails from the ’70s or bottle caps, but one time when I found the remnants of a house in the woods, within minutes I started finding buttons and artifacts from the 1800s. It made me realize, ‘Wow, this stuff really is out there,’ and it can be found if you know what you’re looking for.

“It comes down to getting a knack for how to find sites and how to get permission to look. I start with old maps, which give me an idea of where a site might be or how old a property might be. Sometimes I can walk through woods and can tell by the vegetation whether it naturally grew there or was planted. If it was planted, it usually means a house was once nearby. If I find a site that dates back to the 1700s, I can dig it for a few hours a week over six months and find things. If it’s a farm field, you can dig there for 10 years and still find things. Plus, every time you dig, you open the ground up to find things that are deeper. The first dings I hear are often silver coins from the 20th century, but then all of a sudden, you find a large cent from the 1800s, and then maybe coins from the 1700s; they’re underneath everything, buried deeper. The best finds are usually between six inches and a foot deep, although in a farm field, they can be right on top because the soil gets plowed. For the deep stuff, you need expensive equipment because the cheaper machines just aren’t going to do it.”

By the time I’m done and retired from digging, I’ll have a massive collection that can help tell the story of the people that were here.

“The oldest things I’ve found on Long Island are from the 1600s; I’ve dug up belt buckles and spoon handles in Smithtown. My greatest find is my George Washington inaugural buttons. You would have had to have been at his inauguration in 1789 to get one. There are a few different varieties of the buttons, and I have two. Those are extremely collectible, and I’ve been offered quite a bit of money for them, but I’ll never sell. Those will stay in my family.

“Getting permission to dig, you have to be willing to knock on doors and ask. My business helps a lot, because I meet farmers and builders who own land all over Long Island. When it comes to old houses where people still live, I tell them what I’m into, and they can look at what I find and keep whatever they choose. I have found jewelry that someone in their family lost decades ago. Anything I find that the homeowner wants to keep, I’m more than happy to give it to them. I have found a diamond ring and a few gold rings that the landowner said I could keep, but these don’t have any historical value. To a Colonial digger like me, they mean nothing because during the 1700s, it would have been very rare to wear a gold ring.

“I have six kids, five boys and a girl, and I work six days a week, so I only get a few hours on the weekend to do this, and sometimes I’ll bring them along. My second oldest son and my daughter, who’s third, plus my little guys, they come along and love to help. I can see that my second and third are following in my footsteps, that they really enjoy this. I got a feeling we have a family of future treasure hunters. I think it’s a great hobby for people to get involved in. For me, I can get my kids outside and can put a little story together for Long Island, because as Long Island gets more built up, by the time I’m done and retired from digging, I’ll have a massive collection that can help tell the story of the people that were here, the history that was going on in the different towns where I found these artifacts. I will eventually put these things where people can go and look at them, and it will paint a picture of what was going on and what life used to be like back in those times.”

Interviewed by Ian J. Stark

‘Growing up all I had were my siblings. It was hard for me to make friends, but I have five sisters, so who needs friends when you have an army?’

Farmingville

“I’m an entertainer at Gossip. But I am not a stripper. What people don’t understand is I am actually an exotic aerialist. I put on an actual choreographed performance where I hang from the rafters. I’m actually deathly scared of heights. But for some reason, you can put me 25, 30, 40 feet, in the air while I do this, and I’m fine. But if you put me on a roller coaster, I am passed out from screaming.

“I have a regular day job too. I’m a flagger, so I go from construction work to my night job where I come out with hoops, straps and climb up to the ceilings. They are two completely different worlds. I also have a hairdresser’s license and make all my own cosmetics. It’s New York. You need more than one job, especially during COVID. You weren’t putting makeup on people. There was nothing open. No live entertainment. But I still had work, thanks to my construction job. We weren’t near anybody, so we didn’t have to worry.

My younger sisters are triplets. They still live with me, and I helped put them all through school.

“I am always looking for what I can do next as a performer because if you keep doing the same show over and over again, it gets stale. I’ve gone out to Brooklyn and Manhattan for circus classes and have even taken some private pole dancing classes with male instructors.

“I’ve also appeared in movies and shows. I was a background dancer in the opening scene of an episode of the Showtime series, “Billions,” and was the main background for J-Lo’s “Hustlers” music video. That was cool. They kept me for all five days of the shoot. Most girls only got two. I got all five. But every day on set they had to cover up my tattoos with make-up.

“Growing up all I had were my siblings. It was hard for me to make friends, but I have five sisters, so who needs friends when you have an army? My younger sisters are triplets. They still live with me, and I helped put them all through school.

“I also take care of my 78-year-old grandmother, who lives with me. She’s fabulous. She’s the cutest little old-school Italian lady from Brooklyn. I offered to start taking care of her when COVID hit because I didn’t want her placed into a nursing home. She’s very proud of me from what I can understand, and she always waits up for me at night. I love my grandmother.”

Interviewed by Dan Offner

‘Climbing took me all over the world. It took me to Europe. I packed up my bags and spent a whole summer climbing in Céüse, France.’

Bethpage

“Climbing is way harder than people think. These big, strong, muscle guys show up and can barely climb to the top. It can take years of practice and training. I started climbing in high school with a friend. During senior year, my gymnastics coach would take me climbing. My coach was a 5.13 climber, which meant he could climb some of the hardest climbs in the world at that time. There weren’t many rock-climbing gyms back then so, it was all outdoors.

“Sometimes, instead of gymnastics practice, we’d go climbing. I lived in Colorado, and he would drag me out to these intense routes, and I would get mad at him because I thought they were too hard for me. I was following him on these hard climbs, and I learned so much. He would tell me how to clip, how to turn, how to move and use my feet. The higher the number, the harder the climb. I went from being a 5.8 to a 5.12 climber in one year. I took a break from it once I got to college to do gymnastics, and when that ended, I started climbing again. I was five years older and a lot stronger. The longest multi-pitch route I’ve climbed is somewhere between 500 to 700 feet.

“Climbing took me all over the world. It took me to Europe. I packed up my bags and spent a whole summer climbing in Céüse, France. I was with a friend and my high school gymnastics coach. All we did was climb for the entire summer. Most rock climbing has natural features. Sometimes people will chip or drill holes into the rocks. You look at the rocks and go, ‘I wonder if I can climb it?’

“A lot of climbs are just big caves. The steeper it is and the more overhanging it is, the harder it is. The hardest one I was able to climb was a 5.13 in France. It took me the whole summer. You can work a route for months; sometimes people work them for years to get to the top. When you work a route for a long time, you know every move. You know where your foot should go, how you’re going to turn your body, if it’s a good sharp edge to grab, where the rests are and where the hard parts are. It’s all about getting through those moves as efficiently as possible so you can get to the top without falling, but you do fall when you’re bouldering. You fall a lot.”

It goes through your head, the “What if?” His life was in my hands.

“I always climb with ropes, but I don’t wear a helmet. I mainly did sport climbing. This is when you’re climbing hard routes that have bolts in the rock to clip in protection devices. The routes are clean, meaning all the rock has been tested, so if there’s any loose rock, it’s usually pulled off by whoever put the route up. The few close calls I’ve had were from traditional climbing in high school. I was learning to lead climb, which is when you’re climbing above your equipment. You can either clip into the rock or attach your own protection device to do it, which is either a camming device or a wall nut. If you don’t put it in right, it comes out. As you climb up and clip in, the further you space them out, the longer you fall.

“We were climbing in Boulder Canyon, and I was at the end of a 300-foot climb, so the hard part was over. There was a 25-foot section of pretty easy climbing, and I put a wall nut in, but not very well. I’m at the very end, and I grab a rock, and it pops off in my hand. I fall. I’m flying through the air. I’m waiting for my protection to catch me, but my last piece came out. I fell about 60 feet down before my rope caught me. I stopped climbing for a bit after that. I was so freaked out. I was only 17.

“Another time, we were climbing at the Garden of the Gods in Colorado, which were sandstones, brittle rock. We were doing a mix of sport and traditional climbing. I was belaying for my coach, so he was above me. All of a sudden, a rock the size of a basketball flies towards me. I ducked, while still belaying him, and he fell below me until his equipment caught him. I threw myself forward into a rock, and my chest was scraped and bloody. It was a hard fall because when he fell, there was a lot of extra rope, so it created more distance. It’s a lot about trust. It goes through your head, the ‘What if?’ His life was in my hands.

“We shook it off and kept climbing. We’re at the very top, and I’m traversing. A rock comes loose and tumbles down. It’s the size of a car. We’re freaking out and yelling, ‘Rock!’ in case there’s somebody below us. This was a popular climbing place, so we thought we killed somebody. Luckily, nobody got hurt, but we were shaking.”

As a climber, you get to go to locations that you would never typically experience. You wouldn’t even look for some of these spots unless you were a climber.

“I’ve done some competitions in the past. There’s bouldering and rock-climbing contests. I did a couple of them, but I never pursued it much. I liked climbing for my own personal experiences and hanging with my friends, not to win something. Climbing is a community. People are friendly and willing to help. I’ve met people from England, France, Spain, people from all over the world. You just hang out and climb all day. I miss it, and I would love to get back to that lifestyle, but I’m older now. I can’t climb at that level anymore. It would take at least a year to get in shape to climb as I used to, and then I would have to pray I don’t get any injuries because as you get older, things break more easily.

“I look at photos of all the really hard climbs I’ve done and think it’s so cool, but I’m not going to do that again. Both my kids started climbing right away at 5 years old. They climb with me at Life Time gym, where I’ve worked the rock wall for a few years. My daughter is 9 years old now and has really stuck with it. She’s only climbed indoors, but I’m debating on getting her outside on the rock someday. I would love to take her. I’m glad I had all these climbing experiences, and I was able to climb at such a high level. I got to travel the world. As a climber, you get to go to locations that you would never typically experience. You wouldn’t even look for some of these spots unless you were a climber.”

‘We met through a wrong number. Now we have been together for almost 48 years.’

Syosset

“One night in 1974, I went with a friend to a youth singles group. We had a good time. Weeks went by. Suddenly, I got a call from some man asking for Marilyn. I said, ‘This is Marilyn.’ He said, ‘Well, this is Joe.’ I asked, ‘Joe who?’ ‘Joe from the group.’ ‘What group?’ He said, ‘Oh, I must have the wrong number. Are you tall, thin and blond?’ I was snarky and went, ‘I wish!’ He said, ‘I do have the wrong number.’ We hung up while I was laughing.

“A few days later, I was talking to a friend who also belonged to the group. I asked if she knew of a tall, thin Marilyn. To my surprise, she did! We both thought the mix-up was funny. Soon after that, she had a party, and in comes Joe! He introduced himself. I said, ‘Next time you call, don’t hang up.’ We laughed. I thought he was attractive, and I liked his smile.

“Soon, I found out he was dating another Marilyn with the same last name — and she was tall and blond! It turned out that Joe had originally gone to the head of the singles group because he was shy and asked him for the other Marilyn’s phone number; he was accidentally handed the number for me.

I learned that you have to speak up, and you should always make a move because you never know.

“The second time I went to the group, he was there with his sister, but I didn’t know who she was. I mistakenly thought he was dating her and was disappointed. Luckily, it turned out that he was now single, and he was actually there hoping to see me! He thought I was pretty.

“Our first date was at an oldies concert at Nassau Coliseum. He also used to show up at a bar I would be at with a friend. They would play Beach Boys music, and he’d ask me to dance. He was good to me and treated me special. We got married in 1977. He snuck away with my best friend to buy me a ring and surprised me with it. He was so excited to give it to me.

“Now we’ve been together for almost 48 years. It’s funny how things happen. I’d never gone to that group before, so it was obviously meant to be. If it happened today, I would’ve thought it was a spam call. We laugh about meeting through a wrong number, and now we have two daughters and two granddaughters. I learned that you have to speak up, and you should always make a move because you never know.”

‘The best part of pet therapy is I know that for the hour we were there that day, Brody actually took away somebody’s anxiety for a little while.’

Stony Brook

“We got Brody as a puppy. When he was about 2 years old, I decided that I wanted to volunteer. My kids had gone off to college. I loved dogs, and I was obsessed with Brody, so I decided to do pet therapy.

“I talked with Stony Brook Hospital, and they took him on. We volunteered twice a week in the pediatric unit for years. We met Kayla when she was 14. She was diagnosed with cancer in 2018 and was in and out of Stony Brook for one year. We visited with her once a week for a year. Once in a while, she would shoot me a message and ask, ‘Is there any way Brody could come visit me?’ So, we would head over there on a day that we weren’t supposed to volunteer and visit her.

Brody’s only 6, and I want to keep doing this with him: keep reaching people, touching people and keep having him spread his love.

“Being Brody’s handler and working together, you’re not supposed to get emotionally involved in a situation. But Kayla went to Sachem and I was a Sachem graduate; it’s hard to say, ‘I’m not going to get attached.’ One day I went in and I saw them wheeling Kayla down the hallway, and she didn’t look like Kayla anymore. She made eye contact with me, and she requested that she say goodbye to Brody, and they asked me if I felt comfortable with that. I asked them to give me a couple minutes to think about it because I was really emotional, but I pulled myself together and thought, ‘This is a tough kid. And if she could do what she’s doing, then I can take five minutes out of my life and toughen up and go in there and visit her.’ And that’s what we did. Brody and I went in there; she petted him and I cried. Within maybe 24 hours, she had passed away. It’s such a mixture of feeling privileged to be able to be in that moment and then a sadness that comes with it.

“Now we volunteer at a hospice, and I really love it. It gives patients who are nearing the end of their lives a chance to not think about reality for a little while, while they pet Brody and they feed him and he licks them.

“The best part of pet therapy is I know that for the hour we were there that day, Brody actually took away somebody’s anxiety for a little while. Brody’s only 6, and I want to keep doing this with him: keep reaching people, touching people and keep having him spread his love.”

Interviewed by Hannah Fusaro

‘I would sometimes be on the ice, and I’d get the feeling of “You don’t belong out here,” and “We’re going to make you know you don’t belong out here.”’

Muttontown

“There weren’t many options on the Island for girls to play hockey when I got into it at age 12. There wasn’t one singular thing that made me want to play, just a general appeal. I was at a rink and saw the Islanders on TV, but really, I just slowly got attracted to hockey and wanted to get into it.

“I started with a girls program at a private club in Locust Valley, and it had one of only two girls teams on the Island, plus a travel team. I couldn’t skate very well in the beginning; I remember not being able to go backwards at one of my first practices. I remember being at a public session, and I would watch the boys skate, then go off in a corner and try to replicate what they were doing.

“There was a lot of self-teaching, and a lot of that first year I was on my own. At first, it was disbelief I was a hockey player. I remember comments from parents like, ‘You’re carrying your brother’s bag,’ and I’d say, ‘No, I don’t have a brother, and this is my bag, and I’m a hockey player.’ We’d have a game somewhere, and when I needed a place to change, they’d say, ‘We don’t have that. Isn’t this a boys team?’

“There was a general feeling that girls don’t play hockey. Even on my own team, where I was generally accepted, the definition of acceptance was just tolerance, not, ‘You’re a part of the group,’ but, ‘We’ll just let you be here.’ I dealt with it. I think the lack of acceptance translated into determination for me.

“My first coach said that although I was naturally athletic, as I also played soccer and lacrosse, that while I was picking up hockey, I needed some professional coaching. I started working with private coach Dan Bedard, who was a key factor in keeping me in the game when things got difficult.

“He never treated me differently. It wasn’t, ‘I’m going to push you extra hard because you’re a girl,’ but, ‘You’re a hockey player, you’re in front of me and you’re here to learn.’ His main goal was to translate the love that he had for the game on to me.

“Certainly, there were times I was upset about something or struggling, and he would give a pep talk like, ‘You can’t let the boys win; you can’t let these parents win. You’ve got to just keep going, just do your thing.’

There were games where I had to sit out because it was too dangerous for me to be in there, and there were a lot of games where I got concussions.

“When I went to prep school, they had an all-boys team, and I was the first girl hockey player in school history. This was a much more serious level of play. I was a 15-year-old girl playing with boys ages 17 to 18.

“There are major physical differences. They were all high-level players. Some were the sons of professional hockey players. Some even went on to play as pros. There were games where I had to sit out because it was too dangerous, and there were a lot of games where I got concussions.

“I remember times I’d get squished and really hurt. He [coach Dan Bedard] would say there was no excuse. The term he used was, ‘If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay tied to the porch.’ That was his attitude: ‘At this point you have no choice, so just keep going.’

“He instilled his love for hockey in me, which outweighed any fear I had. I started working with another private coach, Ron Winicki, who’s now my physical therapist. He was even more intense, and there were no excuses with him.

“Ron would make me get up at 4:30 in the morning to skate, and at times he would say, ‘Just one more, one more,’ and I’d say, ‘Ron, you said that 5 “one mores” ago,’ and he’d just look at me and say, ‘Well, I’m not tired yet.’ It was his attitude that I liked.

“After graduating college, while there were opportunities to play hockey in Europe, there wasn’t anything that was going to financially support me. Dan said, ‘There’s always going to be hockey; I just have to find it.’ I came home and played in a mens league while working in advertising. I hated it.

“Dan was coaching a boys team, but had a girl goalie, and he asked me to come down and shoot on her just so she can see another woman on the ice. Soon I was helping coach a team, not getting paid, just as a volunteer.

“One of my old coaches eventually asked me to coach a boys team with him. I started coaching boys in my early 20s, and they were great about it. It was nice to see that the next generation was much better than what I had grown up with.

“For the girl players, I was still afraid they might relive what I had gone through, which inspired my campaign for a girls organization. The problem was to start a new league. I needed a charter and could only get that if all the other area organizations approved, which they didn’t. I imagine the reason why being that would just create more competition to fill their rosters.

Anytime some guy would say something terrible to me, or some dad would give me an attitude, I could always look back at these two other guys and realize they’re not all like that.

“After failing to get support from other organizations to start a girls league, I got my first full-time hockey director job at a rink after leaving advertising. I was able to use that rink’s existing charter to start a girls program there. I then moved to Twin Rinks in East Meadow, which ended up being taken over by the Islanders organization and is now known as the Northwell Health Ice Center.

“I had been working on forming a girls team there, too, when the Islanders general manager asked, ‘Why does this facility not have girls hockey?’ I basically went over the entire history of girls hockey on Long Island with him. He said, you don’t need to fight anymore; go and start a program.’ That’s when the New York Islanders Girls Elite Hockey program started, and I became founder and president.

“We started with two small teams in 2016 and 25 girls, but now we currently have over 100 girls across six teams, a developmental program and a spring program. Since 2016, the program has grown into a complete girls organization with teams from 10 and under through 19 and under.

“I’ve since become the GM of the Connecticut Whale professional women’s ice hockey team, but still coach two Elite teams. I’m split between Dan and Ron when it comes to how I coach. Ron [Winicki] still puts me back together when I end up back in physical therapy, and I stick by his no-excuses approach.

“As for Dan [Bedard], when things get difficult, I think of him saying, ‘Keep skating on. Keep doing what you believe in.’ So, now that is in my head, and I’m trying to pass that on to the girls. I want them to love hockey and to stay in it, in any form.

“Girls and women in the game talk about how important it is to have women in the sport to look at for inspiration and support. I think that’s 100 percent true. Looking back, I was able to turn to two men who were completely different to say, ‘Hey, look who’s on the ice; look how great she’s doing.’ They were helping me change attitudes.

“Being a female hockey player, I had a different situation than other people, and part of their coaching was to help navigate that situation. They looked at me and said, ‘We’re going to get you through it, but not let it define you. It doesn’t matter, just keep pushing.’”

Interviewed by Ian J. Stark

‘I try to teach these kids the life lessons that football has to offer, and it’s tremendous being able to watch them grow up.’

North Babylon

“I always knew I wanted to be a father. And the two things I’m really good at in life are being a father and being a football coach. There’s no other game like football. Every player has a role. You learn so much: confidence, team-building skills, being able to see things before they happen. It’s an offensive and defensive game, so you need to work together to move forward. It’s something else!

“Once I got married and had my first son and he started going to school, he saw my passion for football. As a baby, he used to watch me play, not that he remembers. So, we started doing drills in the backyard, and once he was eligible to sign up, I asked him, ‘Do you want to play football? You don’t have to, but if you want to play, I would like to coach.’ And that’s when I was able to start giving back to the youth and the community.

Most adults forget, but I’ll never forget what it’s like to be a kid. To me, the kids are the most important part of this world. They are my heroes.

“We began with maybe 13 kids. Some quit in two weeks, and I started recruiting. It’s been about seven years now, and I’m still learning as a coach. I try to teach these kids the life lessons that football has to offer, and it’s tremendous being able to watch them grow up from when they’re 5, and now they’re 12 going on 13 and being looked at by other football teams. They’re talking about colleges and stuff. It’s cool, but I tell them just take it one day at a time. Keep going to practice, doing your homework and reading books. Things will happen later on.

“No matter where I am, I could see one of these kids from 400 feet away, and they’ll see me and come running up to me. It definitely makes me feel good and makes me feel like I’m doing something right. They’re not just football players, they become a family. They genuinely love each other because they spend so much time together. These kids are at practice five days a week, and then they have a game day. That’s six days a week that they’re together. And then when they’re not at football practice, they’re out there riding their bikes together.

“There’s no other sport that provides the intimacy that football does. Most adults forget, but I’ll never forget what it’s like to be a kid. To me, the kids are the most important part of this world. They are my heroes.”

Interviewed by Jay Max

‘I was really frustrated, lonely and trying to find a support group. I thought, “There’s got to be people out there like me. I can’t be the only one.”’

Ronkonkoma

“My husband was in the NYPD during 9/11 and spent three months after it down on the pile digging. He was a healthy guy that worked out seven days a week. He retired in 2009, and by 2013, all the health issues started. He had gotten an aggressive jaw tumor. That was a huge operation where they had to remove his entire lower jaw and reconstruct it. It was intense. In addition to the cancer, he has a list of other health issues: heart failure, lung issues and neurological issues. They diagnosed him with Parkinson’s, but they don’t know if that’s an accurate diagnosis, and they might never know.

“Over the years, it was very difficult for me and the kids to deal with a dad who was no longer the dad they knew. He changed tremendously. When he first retired, the kids were little, and he would take them to the movies and aquarium, but slowly, the PTSD and depression set in. They’ve truly only known their dad as being sick and not working.

“In 2015, I thought we should move to Texas since I had family there. It was the biggest disaster move we ever made. He wasn’t a fan of going to begin with, but he did it for us, for his family. When we got there, he was absolutely miserable. The PTSD kicked in. Thinking that you can change somebody’s environment and make them feel better doesn’t work. I learned that the hard way. Things got really bad, and we ended up moving back to New York within the year.

“When I came back, I was really frustrated, lonely and trying to find a support group. I thought, ‘There’s got to be people out there like me. I can’t be the only one.’ I started a Facebook group called Wives of 9/11 Survivors in February 2016. As soon as I created the group, I was getting requests from other women to join. The way it grew was shocking to me and made me realize how much it was needed. There’s 185 women in the group now. Surprisingly, one of the very first women who joined the group had a husband that had the same surgery my husband had. I never thought I’d meet someone who went through the exact same thing I went through. There was another woman who has become a second mother to me. When I met her, we became close very quickly. I tell her everything.

There are things I never told my best friend or my parents, yet I’ll tell someone in the group who maybe I never even met. This group saved my life.

“A lot of women started joining and saying, ‘Where has this group been?’ Nobody understands what it’s like unless they live it. Walking into the recovery room and seeing your husband on a ventilator, with a feeding tube, getting a tracheotomy, you aren’t prepared for that. No one understands. No one knows we’re out here struggling. We are trying to raise kids who were affected by their parents’ physical and mental health. It really does take a toll on the entire family. I call it the trickle-down effect because even though my kids weren’t born when 9/11 happened, it’s affected their entire life. It’s very difficult to navigate. I want to say there are good days and bad days, but most days, it’s a really dark hole that a lot of them are in – not just my husband.

“In the group, it’s not just firemen and police officers, but we have women whose husbands were sanitation, EMS, Verizon workers. It’s not just the guys who were there that day and digging, but also the guys who came after that had to rebuild by putting up phone lines, plumbing, all different unions. It’s not an easy life. People don’t really understand. The focus has always been on the person who’s sick. How are they doing? What’s going on with them? Nobody realizes that we, the wives, have to handle life as well. My goal has always been to find other women out there who are alone because they don’t know about the group. It’s just like any other support group. We all get each other. We all understand there is a darkness that we don’t talk about with anybody else. There are things I never told my best friend or my parents, yet I’ll tell someone in the group who maybe I never even met.

“This group saved my life. I was able to connect these women who were extremely lonely and depressed and felt hopeless. I gave them a place to feel safe, to share their feelings. There are people who just come to this group to feel like everything’s going to be OK. We all support each other no matter where we are in this journey. We do try to get together once a year. We haven’t been able to get together recently because of COVID, but we hope to get together soon. We’re always open and welcoming more to join.”

Interviewed by Hannah Fusaro