‘…getting over the anxiety attacks and the mental warfare that went on every day in my head thinking I was going to die was probably the hardest thing ever to get over.’

Chris Fontana, Deer Park

“There were years and years of absolutely hating myself. I was an alcoholic who was depressed and suffering from severe anxiety attacks on a daily basis. I didn’t know they were anxiety attacks. I really thought I was dying every day. I was 300 pounds and didn’t want to die but also didn’t care what happened to me.

“I was 13 when my dad passed away, so I know that played a lot into it.

“At 30 years old, I looked in the mirror, and it was like I was outside my body looking at someone who you hate. I decided that this is not going to be my life. This is not who I’m supposed to be. I finally went to the doctor, and they told me about anxiety and how it could present physically. I started seeing a therapist and taking medication. I started to see a real chance in myself, but of course there were inconsistences.

“I’m always careful how I word this, but to this day, getting over the anxiety attacks and the mental warfare that went on every day in my head thinking I was going to die, was probably the hardest thing ever to get over, which I think helped me down the road when I decided to get sober.

“I had been on my fitness journey for eight years when I finally got sober. I again found myself at a crossroads where Christmas night, I’m in a hotel room eating Burger King because it was the only thing open because my wife threw me out. I said, ‘That’s it,’ you know? This is not my life. I’m going to end up dead, either from drinking or from drinking and driving.

“I believe my dad was watching over me and saying, ‘You’re going to overcome all this, and look how confident you’re going to be.’

“I started going to AA, and I haven’t really looked back since. After getting sober, everything just skyrocketed. Everything all came together. I had my, my first son about a year and a half later.”

For years, I was trying to be strong on the outside, but it wasn’t until I was able to show my vulnerability where I found so much strength.

“I started Go Primal in 2020. I have apparel, and I have a TV show called ‘The Primal Mindset.’ And really my mission is to just empower men, to just to not have to go through what I went through. So many people have reached out to me about going through similar struggles.

“My goal is to help men, and everyone, be the best person they can be for themselves and those who need them the most. Some people feel weak by admitting they need help. For years, I was trying to be strong on the outside, but it wasn’t until I was able to show my vulnerability where I found so much strength.

“I felt like I got cheated out on a lot in life when my dad died. Now with my boys, I get to experience everything that I missed out on. It can be tough at times thinking of it that way. My dad died at 42. I’m 44. I realize now how much life my, my dad got cheated out on, too.

“But it just makes me every day wake up and be there for the people who need me. I already have my, my 4-year-old saying, ‘You don’t give up Daddy. We’re Fontanas!’ I’m trying to teach them an early age that life is going to knock you down, and it’ll try to keep you down. But you just got to get up and keep going.”

Interviewed by Maggie Rose Melito

‘Death doulas help the soul leave the body in the most peaceful and comfortable way possible.’

Deer Park

“I worked in a pharmacy for all my life, most recently as a manager, but once I was diagnosed with three cancers in the same year during 2019, I started to wonder if there was something out there that would be more fulfilling. I had raised four kids – my youngest was 12 – and I had more time on my hands. I wanted to make a difference.

“I just stumbled upon the answer while reading a book. The main character was a death doula. I had never heard of one before that. I knew what a doula was, so I kind of put two and two together. I figured out that a death doula is a holistic practitioner who helps the patient and their family and their caregivers with any physical, social, emotional, psychological and spiritual issues during the dying process. Just like a doula helps a mother bring a child into the world in the best way possible, death doulas help the soul leave the body in the most peaceful and comfortable way possible.

“I thought, ‘Wow, that’s a pretty honorable position.’ I thought that it was really cool, but I put it out of my mind. And then, about six months later, same thing. I’m reading a book and the main character meets a death doula. And I said, ‘Wow, there it is again. That’s really strange.’

“I started wondering how you become one. I did research and found that there were schools and institutions that I could learn how to be a death doula, such as the Doulagivers Institute. I reached out, and within two weeks I was enrolled in the session. I took the class, and then afterwards, I had to fill 15 hours of pro bono work to get certified. And now here I am.

“As death doulas, we help the caregivers with coming to reality and coming to grips with their loved one dying. We help the patient carry out their wishes, because a lot of times what they want is not specifically what gets done. Their family doesn’t want to let them go or for numerous reasons. We are there to just make the whole process easier for everybody in the most comfortable and peaceful way possible.”

We are trained to know how the body begins to shut down and how to help the family and the patient be prepared for the last stages with comfort and peace.

“We’re trained in the 10 most common disease processes. So, although I’m a holistic practitioner, we’re trained in the symptoms of tight symptom management for pain and shortness of breath and what medications will help. We’re trained in the medication that’s usually in the hospice care kit. It helps the family be able to say and do the things they want to before their loved one dies and helps to alleviate any fear or anxiety when certain symptoms arise. We are trained to know how the body begins to shut down and how to help the family and the patient be prepared for the last stages with comfort and peace.

“We don’t give the medication, we’re not hands on, but we’re there to offer support and help. I also help the family set up the room for the patient so it’s most comfortable for them. And it’s good to have somebody in there to just remember all these things that they can’t keep on their mind, and to be there for them spiritually and emotionally. We can help with the patient writing their own eulogy or writing something for the family for after they go. We also help with forgiveness if they’re holding on to animosity toward anybody.

“What I really like about being a death doula is that I feel that in other cultures, death is still sacred. There’s sanctity in death. America, in our culture, it’s taboo to talk about it. Nobody ever wants to talk about it, like it’s a bad thing. And I don’t really think that that’s helping anybody because it’s something that every single person will 100 percent experience, and not talking about it can bring more problems than not.

“I get some of my focus for the job from the time right after I got cancer. I was diagnosed with breast cancer first. Then I had a routine colonoscopy before my chemo started, and they found high-grade dysplasia in my colon. And then soon after, I found out that I had skin cancer. It was a really tough time. I had to come to grips with my own mortality. I had to really use all of my tools to remain calm and remain positive.”

Interviewed by KJ Bannan

‘Women in the group not only expand their business network but also their minds, bodies and souls.’

Deer Park

“After over two decades of leadership and management roles for corporate companies and then getting married and having my two girls, I decided I wanted to ground myself and create a home-based business so I could be a mom and a business owner at the same time.

“I built a successful business over the next 10 years and created communities of women and mammas all over Long Island, but I was always looking for new ways to network.

“In the summer of 2019, I met my now business partner on a business trip, and she told me about a networking organization she created in New Jersey for women. I thought, we need this on Long Island! I had been part of other networking groups that were very male-dominated. They mostly consisted of men in business suits at diners at 7 a.m. It was honestly pretty boring and didn’t benefit me or my business.

“In November 2019, I started Babes in Business Long Island, a networking community for female entrepreneurs or any woman who has an entrepreneurial spirit. Women in the group not only expand their business network but also their minds, bodies and souls.

“Our networking events help women meet others who will support their businesses, but these events are also really fun. We meet in a social setting and have food, drinks and shopping with women-owned and operated businesses from all over Long Island. We support each other’s businesses, but we also make close friendships.

When COVID hit, there were no in-person events, but our community expanded very quickly online. I took to Instagram every day, interviewing a female business owner. We grew to 4,000 members during COVID, but now have over 10,000. What I love most about Babes in Business is that it provides the opportunity for women to connect in powerful ways.

“Many of our members started new businesses with the women they met at our events. We have every type of business represented, from real estate to clothing stores to mortgage brokers – you name it. It’s a safe space for women to grow, sharing not only their successes but their challenges. They become part of something that is bigger than themselves.”

Interviewed by Jenna Kern – Rugile

‘I want to help the community, and I don’t give up on people.’

Deer Park

“I grew up in Brooklyn’s Bedford Stuyvesant neighborhood when it was mostly Italian, Irish and Jewish. I was usually the only Black child in school. The neighborhood was beautiful when I was little, but it descended into poverty in the late 1960s. That degeneration was disappointing, but it instilled within me the urge to see a Black community cleaned up and for the people within it to have a better life. I first visited Long Island in 1966 because my sister had a house in Brentwood.

“In 1977, after I got married, I also moved to Brentwood. I have always had the inclination to help people in need. From 1977 to 1982, I worked with the Central Islip Psychiatric Center’s various outreach programs. I helped patients who were struggling after being discharged. Some had even become homeless. I remember a time when a female psychiatric patient was thanking me for helping her. I can get uncomfortable when people are complimenting me, and so I interrupted her. She asked me to let her say what she needed to say, explaining that her words were her only way of expressing her gratitude. I learned a lot from that experience. I want to help the community, and I don’t give up on people.

“Over the years, I have been inspired by my experiences enough to author inspirational books. I have learned that once we see other people as human beings, they become three-dimensional rather than one-dimensional. As for the world as it is today, I would like to see more outreach between the African American community and police officers. These individuals need to get to know each other more as human beings, not as stereotypes. Assumptions go out the window when you have the opportunity to get to know a person, and very few people are irredeemable. This is something that I learned while working for a prison as a chaplain during the heyday of the crack cocaine epidemic.”

‘David was eventually released from prison and came home to become a model citizen. He accomplished great things for Wyandanch.’

“I was born into Christianity, but I converted to Islam in 1975. From 1982 to 1992, I served on weekends with Suffolk County Sheriff’s Office as a prison chaplain. One of my most memorable success stories from my time working as a prison chaplain was meeting an inmate named David Bullard. I first encountered him when I was appointed a state mental health chaplain to service the prison on the Pilgrim State Hospital grounds in 1986. I never asked David many questions about his criminal history, but he told me that, before he became a Muslim, he spent many years of his youth in prison for various crimes. David was eventually released from prison and came home to become a model citizen. He accomplished great things for Wyandanch.

“In 1982, I established a mosque in Wyandanch and confronted drug dealers loitering on the street corners. 1988 was a busy year for me because I became the president of the school board in Wyandanch, as well as a deputy commissioner for the Town of Babylon. I used my positions to help secure a new senior center, renovate public pools and funding to build a new library. Still, crime was an ongoing problem. In 1989, I saw an article about our years-long issues dealing with criminal elements in the neighborhood, and a photo of David posting one of our warning flyers to drug dealers onto a pole ran with the story!

“David eventually became an assistant director of the Wyandanch Youth Program. He developed a Little League program and ballfield, improved their midget football program, and with his wife, Patty, he got approval to build the Wyandanch Youth Center. The football field adjacent to Wyandanch Park is called David Bullard Field. Sadly, David died in August 1997. I washed his body and performed his funeral service.”

Interviewed by Meagan Meehan

‘I view everything like an arm-wrestling match.’

Deer Park

“I was trying to teach my son how to ride his bicycle around the time COVID happened. He was a very active kid, and I was very much overweight. I was 270 pounds and couldn’t keep up with him. I was almost passing out from exhaustion. I would run probably 10-15 feet and not be able to keep going.

“It got to the point where my son said, ‘Dad, we could do this when you’re feeling better.’ That was it. That was what lit the fire under me and motivated me to try and be a better version of myself for him.

“I lost over 110 pounds in about a year and a half. I was able to do it by eating right, lots of exercise, and finding what worked for me, both my personal body type and mentality. Not all diets work for everybody. It was trial and error until I found what kept the weight off.

Restoring and recovering people’s bodies from their busy, stressful lives is something I’ve taken a lot of joy out of.

“I didn’t want to be skinny though; I wanted to be strong. I first got into arm wrestling at a renaissance fair back in 2019, when a friend of mine saw me and said, ‘Hey, you’re strong for no good reason. Let’s get you on the arm-wrestling table.’ I said, ‘Sure. Why not?’ and came in second place without any training.

“I’ve been doing it for about a year and a half, and now I am competing at a pro level. It is an underground sport still, but I am hoping I can help bring it into the limelight. I would love to see it become an Olympic sport.

“Arm wrestling has become a deciding force in my life. I view everything like a match. The slightest adjustment in your wrist can change the entire outcome of the match, just like the slightest adjustment of your perspective in life changes your entire day. You can start your day on a positive note or a negative note. You just choose how you want to perceive it. It’s hard to stay healthy, but it’s also hard to be unhealthy.

“I have also been a licensed massage therapist for the past 10 years. Restoring and recovering people’s bodies from their busy, stressful lives is something I’ve taken a lot of joy out of. I also utilize a lot of services to help restore myself to the highest peak level I can. I use cryotherapy, a hyperbaric oxygen chamber and compression therapy. All of these different types of things can help your body do more of what you’re asking it to do.”

Interviewed by Dan Offner

‘My co-workers would also call me the Bra Whisperer and the Bra Guru. I had a customer walk in and say, “My friend told me to come in here and ask for the Bra Lady.’”

Deer Park

“I’m known as the Bra Lady. Through word of mouth, people come to see me from many miles away because I’m the Bra Lady. I’ve been with Lane Bryant for 16 years. When I started, I was trained for 40 hours with a bra trainer. I grasped a lot of what she taught me, so eventually I took her position.

“I was holding training classes in different locations and teaching the girls about how bras fit and how to overcome obstacles for unusual situations; for example, somebody who is pregnant or nursing and their breast size changes; somebody who had a mastectomy and has either one or both breasts removed; somebody who removed a partial piece of their breast; somebody who had loose skin because of weight loss surgery … I once fit a lady who had surgery and removed her nipples.

“Now I have been in Levittown for four years, and I train all of my employees so that they’re experts. The biggest challenge is fitting women correctly. As plus-size women, we have some lumps and bumps. Some people measure incorrectly because they don’t want to get up in the lumps and bumps. I would tell them that everyone wants a good, form-fitting bra.

Because I endured a lot of illness with family members, I think I am more understanding about the needs of my customers with cancer.

“My co-workers would also call me the Bra Whisperer and the Bra Guru. I had a customer walk in and say, ‘My friend told me to come in here and ask for the Bra Lady.’ All the employees started pointing to me. She had come all the way from Brooklyn! They send their friends to me. I have not had a person I couldn’t help. It’s fun and nice to know that people recognize my ability and appreciate my talents. I am very sensitive to people’s issues, and I can read body language very well. I feel like I know what to say. I also have customers coming in desperately looking for anything and everything because they are so limited in where they can shop, as there are very few stores for plus-size women. It’s very frustrating and difficult for them.

“In helping such a variety of women, I have learned so much from their obstacles. I had to fine-tune each situation and adapt it to their problems. Everyone needs a different kind of bra fit. Some of the most meaningful experiences have been with women who were sick, because I was able to relate to their special stories.

“My mother had cancer and passed away when I was 25. As a teenager, I was caring for a sickly person. Later on, I was with someone for 20 years. We were very different; I’m white, he was Jamaican. He was so strong and hardworking. He had such good morals. It was so interesting to spend my life with someone from a totally different country and world. He had Hodgkin lymphoma three times. When he was first diagnosed, we had a small child. My daughter had been born prematurely at three pounds. I was originally in the medical field but went to sales because it was close to home, and having a sick husband and small baby, I needed to be able to go home if I could. The schedule was also more flexible, and I am grateful for that.

“However, everything together was very stressful. It’s probably why my weight has been up and down my whole life. Five years ago, he passed away. Unfortunately, he had a hard battle, but he fought throughout it. He was the love of my life. I was a widow at 37; my daughter lost her father at 10. He made me very strong. Because I endured a lot of illness with family members, I think I am more understanding about the needs of my customers with cancer. Some have no eyebrows and no eyelashes, they’re very scared, and they’re losing weight. I have even helped people with ports in their chests. They need special bras that can help with that. I have shared my own struggles so that I can help them.

“Through being the Bra Lady, I have learned that I am very adaptable. It’s a very good experience because I feel like I can help people. I realize how valuable life is. My daughter just had her sweet 16 and she is one of my customers. The joke around the store is that I’m the mom of the bras. As soon as customers walk in, I start assessing their size. I’m usually right. I’m just glad that I am there for people in a meaningful way while they also help me learn more about myself.”

‘I wish that people could step into other people’s shoes for just a minute sometimes and understand their inner monologues.’

Deer Park

“I am a singer, actor, teacher and life enthusiast. I’ve used the pandemic as an opportunity to sharpen my ax and get back into the audition world. First, I had to get my mental health in check. I love performing; I did my first play when I was in the sixth grade, and the second I heard the applause, I knew there was no going back.

“Long Island has a huge theater community, so I always had chances to perform. I have depression and have self-sabotaged auditions for two Broadway shows. I could not get out of my own way. With the work I have done on myself, I can now see I didn’t think I deserved them. Many people who don’t suffer from mental health issues don’t realize how debilitating it can be and how we can sabotage the amazing things in our lives because we get in our heads that we don’t deserve them. I have also sabotaged relationships because I didn’t think I deserved love. People will look at me and not realize that it’s an issue because I have worked so hard to overcome it.

I have a job to do with this voice, and I’ve learned to take it seriously.

“I come from an amazing family and a very supportive environment. I was raised with a lot of luxury, and still, I struggled with depression. It is clinical. It’s not in our heads. There’s such a stigma with it. I wish that people could step into other people’s shoes for just a minute sometimes and understand their inner monologues. Actors are really good at hiding the depression and struggles. We smile, and nobody knows the truth. It’s dangerous.

“During the pandemic, I started with a new therapist for trauma therapy because I wanted to face things head-on. I set up a meditation place with crystals, lights and inspirational things. I’ve done more singing for myself rather than for other people, and I’ve started playing the piano again, which is extremely therapeutic. I’ve gone on medication. I’ve learned that I am so much stronger. I’ve let myself see my talent as a gift that I was given and realized it’s because I have something to say and to sing. I posted recordings playing the piano and singing to inspire people and give them a bit of hope. I have a job to do with this voice, and I’ve learned to take it seriously. I’m so excited about what’s to come.”

Interviewed by Iris Wiener

‘If you put your best foot forward, kids see that and can build resolve. Don’t stop doing; don’t stop being productive.’

Deer Park

“My parents divorced when I was young; it was a messy situation for both of them. I decided to play sports to keep me active and mentally focused.

“I have two uncles on my Dad’s side, who I admired, one, a guidance counselor. On my Mom’s side, my aunt is an OBGYN nurse practitioner.

“I was always split down the middle with what I wanted to do, and I always had those two as a point of reference when I decided I wanted to study psychology. Now I’m a school psychologist and assistant coach for boys’ varsity basketball.

“I was feeling my way around for a while, working for several BOCES programs, working at a day care, and summer camps. I met a lot of kids and was able to influence them positively — I’ve always had rapport with kids.

I had a family friend who had delayed speech, and I was one of the only other people besides her Mom, who could talk to her and translate. I think I took a liking to it.

“I’m still able to influence the kids who struggle and try with those who don’t make it consistently to school. When coaching, kids are able to see me in a different light, a different role with basketball. I tell them that emotionality and rationality are mutually exclusive. Those two things can’t happen at the same time; although hard, you have to try and take your emotions out of things to be precise with decision making.

“Now with COVID-19, we’ve taken away sports. I looked forward to it. It’s a grind, but it actually gives me a sense of purpose and a sense of camaraderie. We try to keep it as normal as possible for the students. Some students I work with have kind of given up, and my heart hurts for them. Routine and consistency are good for us, and we’re creatures of habit, so if we break that, our being is like, ‘What do we do now?’

Kids are going to model what they see; if you’re in flux and panic, kids are going to display that too.

“I see they’re down and it’s disheartening to see, and there are adults in that same mindset. Kids are going to model what they see; if you’re in flux and panic, kids are going to display that too. I try to negate that when I meet with them.

“If you put your best foot forward, kids see that and can build resolve. Don’t stop doing; don’t stop being productive.”