‘…getting over the anxiety attacks and the mental warfare that went on every day in my head thinking I was going to die was probably the hardest thing ever to get over.’

Chris Fontana, Deer Park

“There were years and years of absolutely hating myself. I was an alcoholic who was depressed and suffering from severe anxiety attacks on a daily basis. I didn’t know they were anxiety attacks. I really thought I was dying every day. I was 300 pounds and didn’t want to die but also didn’t care what happened to me.

“I was 13 when my dad passed away, so I know that played a lot into it.

“At 30 years old, I looked in the mirror, and it was like I was outside my body looking at someone who you hate. I decided that this is not going to be my life. This is not who I’m supposed to be. I finally went to the doctor, and they told me about anxiety and how it could present physically. I started seeing a therapist and taking medication. I started to see a real chance in myself, but of course there were inconsistences.

“I’m always careful how I word this, but to this day, getting over the anxiety attacks and the mental warfare that went on every day in my head thinking I was going to die, was probably the hardest thing ever to get over, which I think helped me down the road when I decided to get sober.

“I had been on my fitness journey for eight years when I finally got sober. I again found myself at a crossroads where Christmas night, I’m in a hotel room eating Burger King because it was the only thing open because my wife threw me out. I said, ‘That’s it,’ you know? This is not my life. I’m going to end up dead, either from drinking or from drinking and driving.

“I believe my dad was watching over me and saying, ‘You’re going to overcome all this, and look how confident you’re going to be.’

“I started going to AA, and I haven’t really looked back since. After getting sober, everything just skyrocketed. Everything all came together. I had my, my first son about a year and a half later.”

For years, I was trying to be strong on the outside, but it wasn’t until I was able to show my vulnerability where I found so much strength.

“I started Go Primal in 2020. I have apparel, and I have a TV show called ‘The Primal Mindset.’ And really my mission is to just empower men, to just to not have to go through what I went through. So many people have reached out to me about going through similar struggles.

“My goal is to help men, and everyone, be the best person they can be for themselves and those who need them the most. Some people feel weak by admitting they need help. For years, I was trying to be strong on the outside, but it wasn’t until I was able to show my vulnerability where I found so much strength.

“I felt like I got cheated out on a lot in life when my dad died. Now with my boys, I get to experience everything that I missed out on. It can be tough at times thinking of it that way. My dad died at 42. I’m 44. I realize now how much life my, my dad got cheated out on, too.

“But it just makes me every day wake up and be there for the people who need me. I already have my, my 4-year-old saying, ‘You don’t give up Daddy. We’re Fontanas!’ I’m trying to teach them an early age that life is going to knock you down, and it’ll try to keep you down. But you just got to get up and keep going.”

Interviewed by Maggie Rose Melito