‘I was concerned about telling people when I got pregnant again. I felt like I didn’t breathe for the first 12 weeks because I didn’t want something to go wrong.’

Massapequa

“I had a miscarriage at two months. It was traumatic. The first thing people say to you is, ‘It’s so common.’ Despite that, almost nobody talks about it. The whole process of fertility was stressful, and people are secretive about that too. I was concerned about telling people when I got pregnant again. I felt like I didn’t breathe for the first 12 weeks because I didn’t want something to go wrong.

“I was at school when I felt something was off. The doctor said my cervix was funneling. It was opening and closing. She sent me to the hospital, where I was kept under observation for a few days. Luckily, I went across the street afterward for an EKG appointment for the babies. The doctor said, ‘I think you’re going to have the kids today; we need to get you back to the hospital. They’re going to do whatever they can to keep the kids in.’

With medication, I made it to 24 weeks. Then 25. Then 26. I was at the hospital the whole time. They were born at 27 weeks and two days.

“I had just hit 23 weeks. The nurse who came in my hospital room said we could try to resuscitate them, but the chance of them surviving without serious illnesses was not good. That was the worst day. With medication, I made it to 24 weeks. Then 25. Then 26. I was at the hospital the whole time. They were born at 27 weeks and two days.

“Jackson was in the hospital for 93 days; Mae was in for 73. In the NICU, I would see tired, terrified women take their babies home. I also saw women who didn’t take them home. Mae was 1 pound, 10 ounces. Jackson was 2 pounds, 3 ounces. They were both on breathing support. Jackson had a whole slew of things, including E. coli at two weeks old. They had to treat him with an IV in his leg that got infected. Mae had an easier ride.

“Now they’re doing really well. At 2 ½, they’re on the tiny side, but they’re healthy. I see such growth in them. I wish I had more people to talk to when I was going through all of it. It’s important to have a support system and appreciate the people in your life who are there for you. I remember thinking, ‘I can’t do this.’ When I look back, I think, ‘Wow, look at what you can do even though you didn’t think you could.’ I learned that I am stronger than I think I am.”