‘I wish that people could step into other people’s shoes for just a minute sometimes and understand their inner monologues.’

Deer Park

“I am a singer, actor, teacher and life enthusiast. I’ve used the pandemic as an opportunity to sharpen my ax and get back into the audition world. First, I had to get my mental health in check. I love performing; I did my first play when I was in the sixth grade, and the second I heard the applause, I knew there was no going back.

“Long Island has a huge theater community, so I always had chances to perform. I have depression and have self-sabotaged auditions for two Broadway shows. I could not get out of my own way. With the work I have done on myself, I can now see I didn’t think I deserved them. Many people who don’t suffer from mental health issues don’t realize how debilitating it can be and how we can sabotage the amazing things in our lives because we get in our heads that we don’t deserve them. I have also sabotaged relationships because I didn’t think I deserved love. People will look at me and not realize that it’s an issue because I have worked so hard to overcome it.

I have a job to do with this voice, and I’ve learned to take it seriously.

“I come from an amazing family and a very supportive environment. I was raised with a lot of luxury, and still, I struggled with depression. It is clinical. It’s not in our heads. There’s such a stigma with it. I wish that people could step into other people’s shoes for just a minute sometimes and understand their inner monologues. Actors are really good at hiding the depression and struggles. We smile, and nobody knows the truth. It’s dangerous.

“During the pandemic, I started with a new therapist for trauma therapy because I wanted to face things head-on. I set up a meditation place with crystals, lights and inspirational things. I’ve done more singing for myself rather than for other people, and I’ve started playing the piano again, which is extremely therapeutic. I’ve gone on medication. I’ve learned that I am so much stronger. I’ve let myself see my talent as a gift that I was given and realized it’s because I have something to say and to sing. I posted recordings playing the piano and singing to inspire people and give them a bit of hope. I have a job to do with this voice, and I’ve learned to take it seriously. I’m so excited about what’s to come.”

Interviewed by Iris Wiener